
hit him so he throws free throws -  Hack-a-Shaq
put Randolph on him -  Zach-a-Shaq
attach RFID tags to him to know his movements -  LoJack-a-Shaq
chase him with paparazzi -  Kodak-a-Shaq
induce vomiting -  Ipecac-a-Shaq
overfeed -  Snack-a-Shaq
plague him with car trouble -  Click & Clack-a-Shaq
trample him with ungulates -  Yak-a-Shaq
distract him with the new SUVs -  Cadillac-a-Shaq
abandon him in the Land of the Lost -  Sleestak-a-Shaq
betray him to the North Koreans during CIA operation -  Blowback-a-Shaq
occupy him with learning a Urinals cover song -  Ack Ack Ack-a-Shaq
weigh him down with Bloomin' Onions and steaks-  Outback-a-Shaq
lower the temperature in the arena to an absurd degree -  Anorak-a-Shaq
get him drunk -  6 Pack-a-Shaq (a.k.a. BuyBack-a-Shaq)
give him the subgenius lowdown about Yetis & Pink Boys, and mentally prepare him for X-Day so he thinks basketball is unimportant -  Slack-a-Shaq
release the bears -  Kodiak-a-Shaq
suck most of the blood out of his body -  Drac-a-Shaq
kick in balls -  Nutsack-a-Shaq
convince him that he is the messiah -  Kwisatz Haderach-a-Shaq
have Steve Albini produce his new album -  Big Black-a-Shaq (a.k.a. Shellac-a-Shaq)
put him on an album of syrupy duets -  Burt Bacharach-a-Shaq
remix! -  Bring that Beat Back-a-Shaq
at Staples Center, have Nicholson moon him to distract -  Jack's Crack-a-Shaq