IN WHICH TEH LIFE OF DIOGENES IS EXAMINED

BRAD NEWS IN THE HOUS

SUP STUDENTS !CE AGIN BACK IS TEH INCERDIBLE THE CRIME MANIMAL THE CANNABINOL B PUBLIC ENEMNY NUMBA1 H1N1 BRAD NEWS BOOOOOTCHES BOOGIE DOWN BUT NOT OUT


TEH PUBLIC IS UNAWARE OF A GRAET MAN DIOGENES THE CYNIC, THANKS TO GOOGLEFRITZ HQ FOR ACCES TO PUBLIC


POINTS TO WIT:


1) DIOGENE'S POPS WAS A BIG BANKER BUT THE ORALCLE (AT DELPHI MAYBE U HEARD OF IT) TOLD D. TO GO OUT &DEFACE THE CUURENCY & HE DID SO. MUCH CHISELING OF COINS LATER< RUN OUT OF TWON ON A RAIL.

2) THEN DIOGENES LIVED IN A MOTHAFCUCKIN TUB BELONGING TO TEH TEMPLE OF CYBELE IN ATHENS SEEN ABOVE. TO INURE SELF FROM VICCISSITUDES OF WAETHER. THEN HE SAW A KID DRINK FROM CUPpED HANDS AND SAYS BRILLIANT! BRAEKS HIS ONLY PIOSESSION A WOODEN BOWL. WHO NEEDS SHIT ANYWAY AMIRITE?

3) HIS SPIRITAUL MASTER ANTISTHENES WAS SUPER HARDCORE AND BASICALY BEAT TEH SHIT OUT HIM W/AUSTERITY PROGRAM AND FISTS OF PHLOSOPHICLA FURY. D RESPONDS BY GETTING SUPER MAD AUSTERER THAN TEH MASTER AVOIDING AERTHLY PLEASURES FOLLY PRETENSE VANITY SOCAIL CLIMBING SELFDECEPTOIN AND VANITY NOT NECCS. IN THAT ORDER

4) HIS SLAVE JUST DITCHED HIM & WEHN PPL WERE LIEK WHATS UP? HE JUST WAS LIKE DUDE CAN LIVE W/O ME SO I CAN LIVE W/O DUDE . THIS BLEW SOEM MINDS. D WROTE SOEM BOOKS BUT THEY ALL GOT LOST HE ALSO INVENTED TEH WORD COSMOPOLITAN

5) PLATO WAS MAKING UP SOCRATES AT TEH TIME AND THOUGHT HE WAS AL CLEVER SAYIN MAN IS NAUGHT BUT A FEATHERLESS BIPED. DIOGENES WAS YO I GOT THIS. HE PLUCK A CHIKCEN AND BRING IT IN GOT CHA BOI RIHGT HERE A HUMAN PER DESCRIP. PLATO DID A SLOW BURN, ADDED W/ BROAD TOENAILS TO OPERATIVE DEFINITOIN. ZING

6) IN MEETING W/ MOTHERFUCKIN ALEXADNER TEH GREAT, D'S 1ST IMMPRESSION WAAS YO GTFO MY SUNLIGHT LOL. ALX WAS IMPRESSED. TEHN DIOGENES WAAS LIEK YO CHECK OUT PILE OF BONES - CAN U TELL IF THIS CORPSES IS SLAVE BONES OR (YR DAD) KING BONES? CUZ I CAN'T. A THE G STUNNED, WHOA, PUNK ROCK THIS GUY IS FOR REAL IF I WERE NOT SO AWESOME (SEE, GREAT) I WUOLD WANT TO BE THIS GUY

7) HE CARRIED A LAMP AROUND ALL TIME DURING DAY SO CITIZENS ASK WHY. HE THEN REPLY HES LOOKING FOR AN HONEST MAN SUBTEXT: YOU SUCK

8) WENT SHIP VOYAGING KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES AND SOLD INTO SLAVERY(!). PIRATES WANT TO SELL HIM TO A CORINTHIAN ASK WAHT HIS SKILLS ARE, HE SAYS IM ONLY GOOD AT GIVING ORDERS BRO< SELL ME TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A MASTER. PUNK ROCKNESS OF THIS WAS SELF EVIDENT, SO HE THEN BECOMES A LIFE COACH IN CORINTH

9) TO DEMONSTRATE TO TEH GREEKS THAT CIVILIZATION IS REGRESSIVE HE TOTES/ACTUALS PISSES ON PPL WHO SAY STUPID SHIT, GETS UP ON STAGE AND TAKES A DUMP AND FLIPS EVERYONE THE BIRD (MIDDLE FIGNER) FOR REALS ALSO EATING IN TEH MARKETPLACE WHICH WAS JUST AS BAD AT TEH TIME. SOEM REAL J'GG'C ALLIN STUFF THERE

10) HOW HE DIED IS NOT CERTIAN, EITHER ATE RAW OCTOPUS, WAS BITTEN BY DOG, OR HELD HIS BRAETH TO PROVE POINT. HIS WILL WAS THROW MY CORPSE OUTSIDE WALLS TO BE EAT BY ANIMALS. PPL WERE LIKE REALLY? YES JUST GIVE ME A STICK TO PROTECT MYSELF. BUT BUT AT THAT POINT U WILL LACK AWARENES! WELM THEN I WONT GIVE A FUCK WILL I. ASSHOLE. QED ALL IN TEH GAME. THEN WAHTEVER HAPPENED AND THEY BUILT A STATUE OF A DOG FOR HIS GRAVE

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